I never take naps, except today it seemed like a good idea. I got up at 4:30am to volunteer at the Detroit Zoo for the Scleroderma Foundation (scleroderma is an autoimmune disease that effects the growth of skin cells). The Foundation hosted a walk/run to raise money for finding a cure and I was invited to set up and sign in participants by the Live to Give Foundation (L2G) (check out this non-profit if you haven’t yet – started by two U of M graduates who are currently 24/25 years old and doing amazing things!). I’m driving to Grand Rapids later in the evening so a nap seemed appropriate. But now that I’ve napped, I’m feeling more sluggish than before. What is that?
I’m days away from moving back to Grand Rapids and I think that God has been doing a lot of heavy lifting lately. What I mean to say is that I think God wants to be able to watch me use the skills and abilities He has given me to seek out opportunities, to let me take the initiative and be proactive. Lately, however, He’s been the proactive one and I’ve been the recipient of His hard work. I’ve done some amazing things in the past 10 months but I wonder if the majority of it hasn’t resulted from someone else’s action, urging, or initiative. On the plus side, I believe that God sees when we’re struggling to keep our head above water so He sends us people to help us swim. Even so, I feel incredibly blessed by His action through others.
What I have had to do on my own, however, is remember who I am. I mentioned it in an earlier post, but it has taken me quite a while to get back to a positive starting point. Some things, in particular, that I’ve recalled?
I’m strong. I’m not some faint flower who can’t do anything on my own and needs the constant support of those around me. In fact, I want to be strong enough that I can hold myself up and share the yolk of my friends and family. I think I unknowingly put a lot of pressure on the people around me by always needing them to hold me up. Like a wet noodle. And we all know…There’s only one thing a wet noodle is good for and that’s spaghetti! What does that mean? Hell if I know.
I’m funny. Really funny. I actually think I’m hilarious, which I think is funny in itself. But the truth is when I forget that I’m funny, I wait around for someone else to make me laugh and I stop looking for humor in my own life. Life is much more fun when it’s humorous.
I’m smart. It’s easy to overlook my own intelligence when I’m surrounded by people who are “at my level.” Think about it. Above average feels average when everyone around me is above average too, right? But here is what I’ve realized: Someone else’s intelligence does not negate my own.
I’m competent and I’m capable. During my internship, I went from furrowing my brow over a Michigan state tax return to completing multiple state returns and filing changes in accounting. I’m able.
I can beat my fears. Go back to being strong. My fears don’t own me. And they can’t paralyze me unless I let them. I’ve also come to realize that most of my fears have less to do with the actual challenge at hand and a lot more to do with the fear of being embarrassed (except when it comes to bugs and collar bones *shudder*). Being embarrassed really is a silly fear. Mind over matter. “I’ll be embarrassed if I try this and flop.” No. “If I try this and flop, I’ll be proud of myself for trying and it’ll give me something to laugh about in the future.” It’s easier said than done, but it can be done.
I’m adaptable. Put me in a situation (within bounds of reason) and I’ll figure it out. New surroundings or challenges don’t have to derail me. I’ll adjust. I can be okay with changing my plans, whether or not I’d like to.
I’m fun! I’d hang out with me. Would you hang out with you? (Hint: The answer should be yes.)
I’m a positive person. This is the second to most important thing I’ve remembered about myself. I think (Okay, okay. So I know. But who really wants to acknowledge that?!) that I’ve been a negative Nancy for too long. Arms folded. Bad attitude. Debby Downer. WHAT?!? That’s SO. NOT. ME. I mean, sure, it was me. But it’s not me! At my core, I’m a positive Polly. And I don’t know how I came to take on this negative persona. I think maybe it started as some attempt at being a hard ass and just spiraled downward. Haha, because I’m soo incredibly tough, right? Please.
#1 on the list? I have a lot to offer and I am worthy. I can recall multiple situations where I met people and suddenly forgot that. I stood like a wallflower as people passed around exciting stories because I thought I didn’t have anything to add. Seriously? I may only be in my 20’s but I have a lot to offer and I am worthy.
I feel like it sounds pompous to list it out like this, but go through the list and tell me if you feel the same about yourself. You should.