Driving home today with my windows down, I felt a sad awareness that I haven’t been to my parents’ home in a while. It’s the night drive that does it. I love the night drive from Grand Rapids to my hometown. I don’t know why. There’s nothing spectacular about it. I want to experience it again soon. I’m thinking mid-October.

I need to feel alive. I feel like I’ve started going with the flow and need to remind myself that I have more control in life than that. I’m glad I decided to take work off this Wednesday to go sky diving. I’m hoping it will give me that jump-start that I’m craving. I think a lot of it has to do with not sleeping well; it pulls me down. That or my ever-building to-do lists. Or not being as financially responsible/independent as I’d like to be. Not living on my own. Not having the opportunity to pick up and travel.

Why is it that we are often in want of what we do not have in life?

Even as I’m writing, I find myself arguing internally. “But Meg, you wanted to be in Grand Rapids. You’re here. You wanted to travel. You have. You wanted to sky dive, to see a bald eagle in nature, go white water rafting…”

It goes back to Goethe’s need to be striving for something.

I need to keep striving for something.

What am I striving for at this moment?