Alright, it’s already 1:30pm and I’m just getting around to “writing” this 25 page paper that I needed to have done last week in order to graduate. It’s the last thing I want to do. I took the hard steps in convincing myself that I was making the right decision by turning down a potential job offer at a public accounting firm and now I’m in a position where I have to convince myself that I care enough about accounting to finish this paper! Talk about a yo-yo relationship.
It’s time to just get to it. I just went to the Honors College at Grand Valley and picked up my Honors sash and medal for graduation (hopefully they’ll allow me to wear it!). I’m looking to these items for inspiration! If not that, this green tea/lemonade infusion I just bought ought to do the trick. It’s delicious!
It’s strange being back here. I’m graduating with my peers but I feel very removed from them having been gone for this past semester and the winter semester before that. I’m coming back to a different environment which is, at the same time, exactly the way I left it. I would love to be given the opportunity to write a 25-page paper with that as my subject. I could knock that out easily.
It’s going to be an amazing but hard road for me this summer. It will be full of continued growth, learning, adventure, friendship, laughter – and sadness too. This tight rope walk around spending time with friends but avoiding awkward situations or conversations while at the same time filled with dread and anticipation is trying. And I’ve never been so completely cut out of someone’s life. I don’t know what to think of it. The rope is cut and the tide is swift; that boat has sailed, I’m told.
At some point, paths will cross and I hate to think that they will cross silently like two ships in the night. Two strangers with nothing to say. Then again, I could be over thinking and mere chance is to blame… Time will tell. But I hate the waiting game. Either way, it’s out of my hands. Not my place to reach out, having been shown the door – so to speak.
Sadly, this paper really isn’t writing itself. How disappointing.
All said and done, it should be noted again and again that other than the large elephant in the room, it has been a blessing catching up with my friends here. I have missed them more than I had realized and I’m glad to find that even fallen friendships can mend with the threat of a final goodbye.
It is good to be back.
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