I went nearly a full year without a roommate. In that year, I got to do many of the things that you or I would be too embarrassed to do openly with a roommate. Some of those things included:
- Leaving food in the fridge longer than it needed to be left in the fridge out of sheer laziness.
- This one backfired on me more than once. So you know, a carrot, left unattended, changes from solid to liquid. I’m not proud.
- Going a day…or two…or three without showering.
- A baseball cap is a magical accessory; of this, I am sure.
- Collapsing into bed fully clothed, and fully sober, because I didn’t want to experience those few seconds of cold while putting on my pajamas.
- Living room dance parties. Alone. With the lights dimmed so neighbors wouldn’t see my shadow as I tried to learn the moves to “Run the World” by Beyoncé.
- Consuming a full pizza from Jets by myself and immediately disposing the evidence in the dumpster so I didn’t have to face my guilt the next day.
- Laundry. Up to my ears.
- Here’s a word of advice: If you’re looking at an apartment without a laundry room inside, stop.
- Uncontrollable sobbing in response to the latest Grey’s Anatomy episode that lasted well beyond the end of the show.
- Hours out of my day spent in my towel.
- If you haven’t done this, you probably have a roommate. It’s advisable. But typically ends with an unplanned nap. I’m not sure why.
- Beauty regimen…with the bathroom door open!
Anyway, it’s a short list but these are some of the things that I’ve shamefully enjoyed while living on my own.
Being married is like having a roommate…only that roommate isn’t across the hall while you shorten your hours of towel-wear into the 15 minutes just after your shower. (Oh, no. There’s no chance of that. He’s in the room with you!)
So you get out of the shower and you get dressed.
You may skip your morning shower but you’ll hurry to get in the shower when you return so you’re clean before he comes home from work.
You do not eat an entire pizza. Period. Because that’s never sexy.
You limit your Grey’s Anatomy tears to certain points in the show and pretend that you’re not devastated over Meredith and Derrick’s loss of their baby (she’s their baby!).
Long story short, there aren’t secrets here. My bad habits pile up like unattended laundry. They rack up like hours spent on Facebook when I’m not being watched (if I remember them correctly).
I’m exposed. Unhidden.
And part of me wishes to harbor my secret consumption of Sun Chips alone for dinner so badly that it’s almost comical. Like Gollum with his precious…and those of you who know my deep, deep-rooted fear of the Lord of the Rings character now realize how desperately I wish to keep my bad habits hidden!
You know what’s funny about marriage though?
He’s already caught me red-handed more than once. He might tease me or squeeze me when he sees just how bad I can be, but he loves me just the same.