Killing the School Mom Game

I recently volunteered for a walkathon at my daughter’s school. I wasn’t responsible for anything in particular but was invited to join in on the 2-mile fundraiser for which I paid a competitive entry fee in the form of donation.

During the walk, I strolled alongside my daughter and also several blocks behind my daughter and has anyone seen my daughter? Why am I even here?

We reached the halfway point and I was very glad to see a table with water until I made a quick assessment and gathered that the water was probably for the 5 year-olds. Either way, I was pretty sure I was an athlete after that mile so I did what I think any decent parent volunteer would do and chugged as much of a bottle as I could before handing it off to my child. You’re welcome.

On a side note, have you ever been to an event where you don’t know 98% of the people there? You decide early on that you’re going to fake it until you make it and suddenly you’re the freaking Joanna Gaines of school events! Look at you introducing yourself and making small talk and getting to know new people. Dang, girl. You got this!

Then the 2% who knows you walks up and all you can think is “Be cool. Be cool. They don’t know me like you know me. Let’s pretend I’m 30% cooler and 85% less socially awkward than we both know I am.

But you’re not sure that 2% is picking up on your vibe so now you don’t know which persona to go with or what to do with your hands.

Spoiler alert: You’re going to walk away from your web of lies calling your new acquaintance by the wrong name. See you later, Jane Doe!

Long story short, I finished that 2 mile walkathon and had to take two ibuprofen to sleep that evening. Everything hurts. My legs. My knees. My glutes. My ego. Everything.

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