My morning started off like this:
You know the type of morning…
It’s the one that wakes you up on the wrong side of the bed and sends you plummeting face-first to the floor. The one that sees how tired you’re feeling and chuckles at your silent plea for just 30 more minutes of sleep. The one that makes you wish you had just a minute to yourself so you could put your armor back on and be the person you had every intention of being this morning before that shrill screech pierced the air.
Not even Winston could calm Little Miss this morning.
I rushed through my devotion while Emma screamed, unrelenting, in my ear. She pushed away all attempts to be fed or consoled. Adding insult to injury, my alarm clock began chiming 30 minutes into the chaos, its happy tune a mockery of my attempt to schedule our feeding times. I threw myself a full-scale pity party when I realized that not only was I going to forego a much-needed morning nap but I might actually run out of diapers if I tried to wait until Fred got home from work to venture out. Meanwhile, Emma continued to scream.
Unpreparedness and exhaustion can start to feel a lot like failure when you haven’t the reserves left to see the truth for what it is. The truth being:
- Crying does not equate failure.
- Sometimes you need to experience something (like the rate of diaper consumption) before you can plan for it.
The only thing I retained from my devotion this morning is that it contained one of my favorite verses: Isaiah 41:13
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
I’d be lying if I told you that reading that verse in the midst of chaos turned my morning around. Heck, I’d be lying if I told you that I even took the time to reflect on whether or not I had any fears – although it’s clear looking back at my morning that I did! All I knew is that if I accomplished nothing else today, I could say that I read my devotion. Done. Mark something off my list.
Emma eventually settled and I began to feel capable of eating breakfast. And showering. And although I didn’t feel capable enough to go out for more diapers, I put Emma in the car seat because I knew I needed to. And you know what? A miraculous thing happened: I made it to Babies R Us to get diapers without a peep from the back. Emma started to cry when we parked but quickly settled. I found the diapers and purchased them without incident. Feeling encouraged, I headed to Target to get a few mommy items that I’ve had on my list for far too long. Emma slept peacefully as I carted her around the store, spending too much time soaking up the feelings of independence, of normalcy, of courage, hope, glee, joy, blessing, and peace.
I made it through the checkout line and grabbed a Venti Iced Chai from the Starbucks kiosk on my way out the door and my heart began to leap, filled with the type of joy that goes beyond a sleeping child or favorite drink on a sunshine-filled day. I was experiencing the kind of joy that drives right down into the soul of a person and erases all doubt of the morning – a God-granted joy. A God-granted peace.
“Do not fear,” God says. “I will help you.”
It’s just a basic recap of a tired new mom running errands but it is so much more. It’s a story about promise and truth. About little things that become big things. About a day turned on its head for the better.